Updated: Jul 26, 2020

by Von Wager

This might be a bit triggering for some, so please be warned prior to reading, that if you have ever suffered or are suffering with an eating disorder then maybe give this a miss, unless you feel comfortable reading about this topic. 

I decided to write this because I received a message last week on my Instagram that said “HOW ARE YOU NOT A GIANT FAT C***” after posting a picture on my story of a chocolate bread and butter pudding I’d just made. It’s not the first message I’ve received like that, and it won’t be the last because I post a LOT of food pictures and a lot of pictures of me confidently roaming around in my pants, so I understand why!

This one however flooded me with mixed emotions. The Von I am today first read it and laughed, but that laughter quickly turned to a dark black guilt that is oh so familiar to me, that I don’t think will ever really go away. Such a simple message; so seemingly harmless, sent me into the strangest of head spaces that reminded me of how far I’ve come with my issues around food.

Growing up I was a chubby kid, I wasn’t huge but I wasn’t small, my sister was really slim and my best friend the same, with gigantic double D boobs at the age of about 12, I was always the funny weird one and it kinda worked for me. I had a LOT of anxieties growing up, I suffered with OCD and insomnia and looking back now I was an emotional eater; food was my comfort blanket. 

I was constantly teased for what I ate, all the family stories still to this day revolve around me and my over eating. There was the time I was found hiding in my auntie’s shed, gorging on a family sized lasagne that she’d cooked for everyone, after having just eaten a HUGE r