Put Your Fucking Toys Away!

by Bea Dux

SEX TOY STORAGE


We’ve all done it. Back in the day when orgasms were new and testing out your first toy (along with the seven different modes as promised on the website) was the best way to spend a Sunday morning. A few weeks pass and you’ve jumped straight to your favourite vibration pattern. You’ve reached the tip of the tallest tower and jumped from the turret, free falling in a state of utter bliss. As the waves of euphoria come to an end, the toy that helped you reach the highest heights is left vibrating in your hand. You throw it across your bed, it bounces and falls to the floor, gets covered in dust and hair, and waits to be called upon again in your moment of horny need.


One day you maybe upgrade to a box - which is most likely just the box your next toy was delivered in. As you move on to your fourth and fifth toy, you might even gift them some space in their very own drawer! But I’ll bet you’ve still got glass mingling with silicone and you definitely don’t thoroughly clean them before and after every use. Be honest.


That’s what I thought...


If you’re anything like me, you’ve managed to build quite the collection of pleasure pals! Congratulations! In this blog I’m going to take you through the key ways you should be storing your toys to ensure a long lasting relationship. I’m ashamed of the number of dildos I’ve had to throw out because I didn’t store them separately - if only I’d known how reactive some materials can be when left in contact with others! Alas, we live and learn. 


We’re all aware that unclean toys can mean putting your self in direct contact with harmful bacteria that can build up on the outside of dildos, but did you know that sex toys like flesh lights and other toys made with penises in mind, can actually go mouldy if they’re not cleaned and stored properly? Minging. Give ‘em a wash and make sure you’re drying them properly too! 


Washing most toys can easily be done with warm water and soap. Though for toys that are strictly NOT waterproof, get yourself some pH friendly wipes. Drying your toys should be done with towels only. If I see another melted jelly dildo because someone decided to use their hair dryer on it rather than deciding to use a dildo towel, I’ll scream. 


These days, most luxury toys (or toys from reputable adult companies) come with their own pouches or storage boxes - don’t throw these away! They’re the perfect way to store your toy individually with the least likelihood for cross contamination - as long as you clean your toy before and after use.


One of my favourite uses of everyday storage for adult means is your basic ‘over door shoe organiser’. You can pop this on the inside of a wardrobe door, or if privacy isn’t too much of an issue you can have this on any door! You still need to have your toy in it’s own pouch or fabric bag, but the individual pockets work brilliantly for separate storage.


Underwear drawer organisers! Brilliant for separating your socks and knickers, also great for separating your butt plugs and ball gags! Give your toys their own drawer and organise however you choose! Another really cheap way of doing this is cutting up boxes creating sections in your drawer. Remember: individual storage is always the best way to go! 


If you’ve lost all of the pouches and boxes your toys came in and you also have a fuck ton of odd socks - I’ve got a two birds one stone trick for you here. Use the odd socks as toy pouches! It’s not the most ideal storage technique but it will definitely help avoid damage and contamination. Storing in socks means you definitely have to clean before and after use and make sure you’ve dried your toy properly before putting it away as fabric can harbour bacteria when damp.


I think my favourite storage idea I’ve ever seen was a wine carousel rack. Absolutely perfect. Pop it on your nightstand and spin to see which toy you’ll be using each time! This definitely isn’t one I’d recommend for parents however. For you I’d definitely recommend the trusty padlock and key. Pop all of your toys in a big box - an artists’ carry case if possible - and store away. Safe in the knowledge that even if your sex box was found, there’s no way of opening it without the key!


Speaking of artist carry cases, if you don’t mind splashing a bit extra on your joy boys and you’re not a stranger to travel, getting yourself a photographers case or backpack can be endlessly useful! They’re split into sections with extra cushioning which allows you to store carefully and travel with next to no chance of damage. Many come with extra dividers too, giving you the option to organise the space exactly how you’d like.


However you decide to do it, storing your sex toys properly is important. Bacteria build up and damage is not fun to deal with. Thrush isn’t fun and a mouldy bell end has to be one of the top 3 things I’d wish for my ex. My main point with this entire blog is to beg you to take the time to clean your toys! I know that it’s not the most fun part of the masturbation process, but get used to having it as part of your routine and your vagina will thank you for it!


Happy wanking!

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