by Dynamite Jet Moom
As an autistic person I have always struggled to acquire, maintain, and enjoy work. Executive dysfunction, having a social battery that only lasts a few hours, having to mask my arse off to the point where I definitely deserve an Oscar (for any neurotypical readers masking is a common technique autistic people use to try and pass as 'normal' by emulating mannerisms, emphatic talk and behaviours they have observed from their neurotypical peers), being easily distracted and having sensory issues really makes the typical workplace a challenge. To safeguard my sanity I can only work part time, which is very limiting and sometimes having to do extra hours to make ends meet results in exhaustion and neglecting other aspects of my life, such as maintaining a healthy lifestyle, housework, relationships and hobbies.
I started an OnlyFans in August 2019, after having to leave a domiciliary care company that made me work without a DBS (but charged me for one), lied about the job being a zero hour contract and promised me reasonable adjustments for my disability then changed their minds after. They owed me two weeks' wages and I did not receive any reimbursement for fuel costs. I was feeling very disheartened, incredibly anxious and trapped, and, having been a model three years prior to this, I thought selling content would be a good opportunity to try and start a new chapter. I did not have much ambition at the time, just the hope that it would take the pressure off financially whilst working part time. It's now become a passion, a job I love, a reason to take better care of myself and a sense of achievement seeing more progress being made each month.
In many ways it's an outlet for my creativity too, as I love dressing up and creating themes and looks. One of my 'special interests' is eighties and early nineties glam, I have a large collection of Playboy magazines from this time and find that soft focus, high cut, dreamy blow-dried era of glamour modelling enchanting and inspiring. This fascination with old school Playmates has heavily influenced what outfits I choose in my photos, the way I style my hair and the way I do my makeup. For those few hours of shooting I am escaping from the 100mph reality of 2020, with it's relentless distractions, shitty homogenous music and unattainable beauty standards. It might as well be 1988, with Ratt's 'Invasion Of Your Privacy' on full twat, rollers in my hair and a vintage lacy Frederick's Of Hollywood teddy ready to strip out of.
Creating content has not only given me back my self esteem and made me feel sexy again, but it has opened up doors for me financially and given me freedom and control. I can work when I want, from home, where I regulate the environment. I have less meltdowns and feel less stressed. Nobody is telling me how I should and shouldn't work, nobody is telling me what to do. Nobody is going to bully me, sack me or discriminate against me based on my condition. I am my own boss, the model, photographer, editor, accountant and marketing agent.