Many creators have an Amazon wish list on their pages as an easy and interactive way for fans to anonymously buy them gifts - but let's ask the big questions here: are wish lists actually safe for sex workers? It’s time for me to investigate!
Now, as a former wish list addict I get it, everyone likes getting free stuff, especially free stuff that you get to spend ages picking out and imagining owning… and for a lot of SWers, Amazon lists or gift cards are a lot more reliable than most of the main payment platforms.
BUT, having had some terrible experiences with wish lists, I am going to come straight out and say NO, from experience wish lists are not safe for SWers, and I do not have one for a multitude of reasons, which I will try and outline below:
WISH LISTS CAN EXPOSE YOUR ADDRESS
The first time a fan turned up at my house I had only just started modelling and was really young and naive. A fan (who at the time I thought was probably a young lad because of the way he typed) asked if he could send me a gift, and stupidly I gave him my home address. I was living with a boyfriend’s family at the time so I didn’t really think anything of it.
A few weeks later a parcel turned up full of ancient foul-smelling second-hand outfits and I was like gross, never doing that again. Then a few days after that, when I was home alone, an old man turned up at the end of the garden. Now, my ex-boyfriend’s family lived in a really remote location so when I saw this weird old man wandering around, I thought it was a member of his family at first and went out (in my dressing gown) to meet him and say hello.
As I started walking over the old man started shouting and telling me his name from my fan forum and I swear, I have never run away faster in my life! I ran back inside, locked the doors and called the police. It was like something out of a horror movie.
Now in that case I made the mistake of giving him my address myself, but Amazon has been known to give this information out also - especially if a fan purchases you goods from third party sellers. Overzealous fans can potentially receive the tracking information and can then use that to find out where you live (this has happened to me). Don’t think for a second that you know your fans and are safe, people can pretend to be ANYONE online, as me and Von discovered…
WISH LISTS LEAVE YOU OPEN TO SCAMS
A couple of years ago myself and Von got scammed HARD by a wish list scam. We were on a weekend break together and a man claiming to be a “rich New York businessman” (I know… it sounds so sketch reading this back - he was actually from India) contacted me on Instagram asking if myself or Von had a wish list he could buy us some gifts from. I was obviously sceptical but the lure of easy gifts was strong, so I said sure and gave him my link. Within ten minutes he had spent over a thousand pounds and I was like, “quick, Von, make a wish list RIGHT NOW!” So we spent half of our weekend away adding stupid expensive candles and high-heeled shoes to our lists, with this guy buying ALL of it. It was very exciting.
Of course if something seems too good to be true, it probably is, and a few days later, after making this guy do lots of horrible things and having seen multiple pictures of his disgusting tiny penis being crammed into things… our gifts were nowhere to be found. We had been scammed. This guy had been buying the gifts and then cancelling the transactions straight after, so that on our end it looked like they had been bought. We had been stupid and ignored ALL the red flags and rule number one of SW: don’t do anything unless the cash or gift is IN YOUR HANDS.
WISH LISTS ENCOURAGE OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOUR
It should go without saying after that, but you really DO NOT KNOW your fans! Even the nice ones! In fact, especially the nice ones, as they seem to be the worst in the long run as they are more prone to obsessive or boundary-breaking behaviour. The more a fan feels like they “know” you, in a way, the more dangerous that fan becomes - especially if they have obsessive tendencies. You don't want to have a stalker on your hands so it is best to not share too much personal information with fans (or anyone online for that matter) and that DOES include wish lists. A lot of info can be gleaned about a person from their wish list - their interests, likes and dislikes, clothing sizes... all sorts.
WISH LISTS CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INDEBTED
Giving people gifts is nice, sure, but fans don’t always do it for that reason and often expect a lot in return. Hate to say it, but nothing in life comes for free. Yes there are the odd fans who just gift for the sheer joy of it and enjoy seeing you wear or use the things that they choose, but the majority of fans see gifts as transactional and want something in return, whether that be friendship, special treatment, tiny penis humiliation, or sexual favours. Making you feel indebted is an easy way for a fan to manipulate you into feeling like you owe them something, and can very easily cross a line into level pushing or boundary pushing if you are not careful.
AMAZON IS FULL OF CHEAP CRAP
I have yet to find lingerie on Amazon that is not cheap Chinese-manufactured garbage (with the lone exception of LittleForBig) or a makeup palette that isn’t counterfeit and potentially made of dog poo. I mean sure, Amazon is fine for a last minute topical set, but a whole wish list of Amazon outfits? Do you really want to live in a polyester paradise up to your chuffing eyeballs? To be surrounded by so many of their brown boxes (that ALWAYS smell of sick) and cheap polyester outfits that are sized wrong or fall apart after five minutes, that you can’t even GIVE them away?! I dunno, it just seems so wasteful and bad for the environment. Which leads me to my final point…
JEFF BEZOS IS A HUMAN TOAD
Just look at him - do you really want to further line his pockets? The guy could end world poverty and is just like “nah, fuck it, I'll take a rain check.”
BUT SIM - WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I CAN’T JUST DITCH MY WISH LIST!
I hear you! It’s a tough addiction to crack - believe me, I have been there and still get cold sweats when I scroll past a lovely Diptyque candle or a nice pair of shoes! I feel like I need to set up a Wish List Anonymous or some shit - wish lists are addictive! I can just imagine it: “It has been 369 days since my last wish list…” Since ditching the list I have felt so much better though! Wish lists aren’t the be and end all! There are other options!
WISH LIST ALTERNATIVES
Many subscriber platforms have a fundraiser option where you can raise money for a particular goal or object. These are a safer alternative to wish lists as you control what you receive and no-one gets to see your address. I use fundraisers to save up for higher quality items that will last many shoots, like Honey Birdette lingerie, custom latex outfits, or Italian Heels and they work BRILLIANTLY. I have less polyester crap and MORE quality items that (if I need to) I can resell.
HOW TO STAY WISH LIST SAVVY
However, if you must satiate your dirty Amazon cravings, love the spontaneity, and are a hoarder - read on. First off, a safer alternative to a wish list is ALWAYS asking your fans to send you Amazon gift cards. You can also be sent gift cards from most lingerie, latex and sex toy websites and all you need to share is your email address. SUPER SAFE.
If you absolutely cannot or will not part with your wish list, then the least you can do is be savvy! Get a P.O. Box or secondary address (that is not your home), only add items that are fulfilled by Amazon (usually most Amazon Prime items, but double check), be clear with your fans on what they will receive in return and view wish lists like you would a credit card - it is not “free money” - something is always expected in return, with interest, so plan for that.
View gifts as a kindness. If you receive something back - great! If you don't and are sending 50 abusive messages off the back of a $5 gift then you should not be let anywhere near a wish list and that is a FACT. Don't be that guy.
Anyway, I hope you found my (kind of bullshit) investigation useful!
Stay safe out there you sexy hoarders!