The Life of a Domme: Q&A with Morrigan Hel
by Von Wager
Welcome back to another Bit’s Out Blog with Von 🥳
This month I wanted to take a different slant with a new series of blogs! Being a master of disguise, I’ve now taken on the guise of a sexy private detective and will be exploring the fetish world with you all.
I believe that in the world of creating sexy content, it’s important to understand the impact of the content that we are creating for our fans and even more-so, to have an understanding of how to better serve them with what we’re producing.
It’s also important that we take inspiration from those around us who are experts in their field, so we can learn how to do things safely and responsibly online, particularly when that work might also be happening IRL; like being a dominatrix for example.
Loosely speaking, a Domme or dominatrix is someone who takes the dominant role in BDSM activities with a submissive partner. Those activities do not always have to be physical; they can sometimes be psychological or verbal by involving humiliation tactics and tasks.
Now It looks like the first recorded behaviours of a female Domme were recorded in 1961 - the name was originally coined to describe a woman who provides punishment-for-pay as one of the case studies within Bruce Roger's pulp paperback The Bizarre Lovemakers.
The term was taken up shortly after by the Myron Kosloff title Dominatrix (with art by Eric Stanton) in 1968, and entered more popular mainstream knowledge following the 1976 film Dominatrix Without Mercy.
If we want to go WAY back, there is evidence that female domination existed in the rituals of the Goddess Inanna (or Ishtar as she was known in Akkadian), in ancient Mesopotamia. Ancient texts suggest that hymns were found and cited as examples of the archetype of a powerful, sexual female displaying dominating behaviours and forcing Gods and men into submission to her.
She sounds like a total badass to me 😎
Back to 2020
Not all sex workers producing content and working under the umbrella term of Domme will be working with clients in real life as there are a range of behaviours that dominant females can engage in that could class them as a dominatrix such as online domination only or financial domination - there are also 'lifestyle dominatrix’ and ‘pro-dommes’.
With so many creators out there (including myself) dabbling in the art of ‘dominant’ personas, I decided to bring in an expert so got in touch with a real life dominatrix, who both Alex and I know and love. She was one of my inspirations to start modelling when I was a teen when I first saw her in Metal Hammer magazine and thought she was the coolest thing I’d EVER seen.
I instantly bought myself a home bleach kit and a box of pillar box red hair dye (I think I was 15) and absolutely ruined my hair (honestly it was a disaster). Later I ended up working with her at the Kerrang! awards and I nearly shit my pants (SEE PIC!)
I still marvel at her beauty whenever I see her today. She is a real life goddess, so elegant, polite and humble and I am so pleased to share with you today an insight into her work.
Interview with Morrigan Hel
How did you get into being a Dominatrix?
I was into BDSM in my personal life and had admired strong, dominant women from a very early age, so it was a fairly natural progression for me. I was on my first trip to NYC at 20-years-old & I was modelling for a magazine while I was over there.
The photographer recommended a dungeon as we’d been talking about the scene and it turned out they were looking for guest Mistresses, so I started at Pandora’s Box that evening. When I got home, I decided that I wanted to set up my own space and a few years later my first dungeon was born
What's something important to know about your career you wish others knew?
I think there’s a misconception that it’s a quick and easy way to make money with very little effort. To be a successful Domme requires you to actually be into BDSM yourself, so you have the right mindset, and to also practice your skills and build your arsenal of equipment (which can get pricey).
Another thing to be aware of is safety, you really have to know what you’re doing and also what to do if something goes wrong.
Do you find a lot of people find out about you online?
Back in the old days, it was through contact magazines such as ’Serious Mistresses’ and ‘DDI’ where you had to make your own print advertisements. Now everything is online.
What are your thoughts on how the industry has shifted over the past few years?
So much has changed, as I mentioned in the last question - there’s no more print advertising, a lot of the fetish magazines have gone under or switched to online versions.
There are a lot more women getting into becoming Dommes, but at the same time there do seem to be more clients and of a younger demographic. I’m guessing because the BDSM world is a lot more accessible now and it’s a lot easier to contact a Domme.
One of the positives is that everyone pays a deposit now, where as back in the day you would just have to trust that your sub was going to turn up. I remember a few occasions where I had spent ages cramming myself into full latex & heels and no-one turned up! Negatives are an abundance of time wasters and randoms hassling you on social media.
Have content platforms like OnlyFans made your job easier?
When I first started out I had a members website, which I paid a webmaster to deal with, but you don’t have the control or the reach that modern platforms like OF have. So yes it’s a lot easier to make content and get it out there now.
What advice would you give to anyone considering a career in Domming?
First of all, I wouldn’t suggest doing it unless you have a genuine interest in BDSM as it’s not for everyone and it will be obvious, especially to experienced players. Make sure to do your research, particularly when it comes to the safety aspects.
Talk to established Mistresses if possible, maybe rent a space from one and that way they might be interested in offering you training. Know your boundaries and stick to them, don’t allow anyone to push you into something you’re not into. Practice! Particularly when it comes to caning, you can use a cushion to begin with.
Common misconceptions of a Dominatrix?
It’s not all about being strict and severe, we do have empathy. Some empathy is crucial in reading your sub when establishing and testing limits. That’s not to say that we’re going to let them get away with anything though ;)
If you could give your younger self a good old talking to, what advice would you give yourself?
I would probably tell myself to be more selective about the jobs I took on (modelling wise) maybe not to be so hard on myself & there are some things I would have loved to master and learn, I guess it’s not too late though. I believe that what you experience when you’re younger shapes the person you become, so I’m not one for regrets.
What would you say is the most important characteristic of being a good Dominant?
Be sure to find out your subs interests, limits and whether they have any health concerns. Make sure you learn and hone your craft, the ability to be able to read your sub, to take the health and safety aspects seriously & to enjoy yourself!
If you’re considering getting into anything IRL that takes you away from the protection of your online persona, or computer, always make sure you’ve heavily researched what it is you’re about to get into, and that includes how to conduct yourself professionally and how to treat submissives.
As Morrigan points out, being a Dominant isn’t all about being constantly brutal, there is a level of aftercare that is integral to the job that comes with years of experience and understanding of what your submissive need. t is sometimes possible to dip our ‘toes in’ so to speak online, and really not consider the impact of our behaviour.
Another thing that is really important to take away is to enjoy yourself! If BDSM is something you absolutely love then do your research and take inspiration from the pro’s! Next time I’ll be looking at the flip-side and talking to a submissive fan - and what it is that makes them tick!